Club Soda member Kim continues her alcohol-free journey. In today’s guest article, she shares her ideas for a “quit drinking starter pack”, and plans how she would change the world at 100 days sober.
I am 99 days AF today. From my experience I have decided, if I ruled the world, I would do (and have a few things done) a little differently. The following ideas are a little something to help peeps like me along the way:
3 Month Quit Drinking Starter Pack
- Subscription to sober websites, which are unquestionably invaluable.
- £100 worth of Amazon vouchers to help set up a disco bath (bath bombs, lasers, glow-balls, Bluetooth speakers, the whole sha-bang).
- 2 bobble hats (you can’t be too miserable with a fat bobble on your head – although one is not enough, mine is crusty and stinking of Kophead, despite frebreezing it).
- 1000 paracetamol for the headaches that seem to plague a lot of us (obviously the brain is just busy fixing itself).
- £50 credit for the Kindle to download as many self-help and quit drinking books as you deem necessary.
- £50 Next vouchers for new PJs, dressing gown and fluffy socks – comfort is paramount!
- A heated throw – if, like me, you don’t always have the pleasure of someone to give you a massive warm hug, it’s great.
- A 6 pack of Becks Blue and a bottle of Seedlip (so tasty!) for when faking it is the only way you can make it.
- The box set of the American TV show “Mom” – a show about 2 woman dealing with their addictions. Funny and very close to the bone sometimes!
- Credit to app stores so that you don’t need to listen to free sleep hypnosis recordings (that actually keep you awake worrying that an axe murderer will break in and kill you in the night, instead of lulling you to sleep).
- A CD of Swedish House Mafia – wake up with energy and attitude!
- A framed photo of a pink cloud just in case the real thing doesn’t make an appearance early on.
- Calorie absorption spray – removes all calories from the sweet products which your body will inevitably crave for the first few months (this includes mini eggs, haribos and especially cheesecake).
Treat Yourself With Monthly Rewards
If I ruled the world, I would want the government to pay for Monthly Sobriety Rewards. These would be vouchers for massages, facials etc. Our bodies are truly incredible and deserve to be looked after, despite the ways in which we abuse them. They continue to support us, getting us through the day despite the abuse of hangovers, headaches and bruises.
Whether your body is young or old, fat or thin, it is a miracle, a warrior and deserves finally to be treated with love and care.
Ditch Unsympathetic Friends and Nosy Neighbours
If I ruled the world I would make it a non-punishable offence to punch the following people on the nose really hard:
- Rude waiters that disrespect you asking for AF drinks.
- People who ask why I’ve quit drinking (f*ck off its none of your business).
- People who ask how long I will stop drinking for.
- People who tell me I won’t succeed in quitting drinking (I’m doing it right now you idiot!)
- Kanye West.
Promote Wining and Dining AF Style
If I ruled the world I would:
- Make it mandatory for all eating and drinking establishments to serve Alcohol Free beer and wine – and decent ones that don’t cost an arm and a leg. If you are a restaurant/pub not abiding these laws, I’m closing you down – end of.
- Make all pubs supply M&S lentil crisps alongside the other crap snacks – healthy and delicious.
- Train staff to respect non-drinkers – sober hybrids rule.
If I ruled the world I would:
- Invent an exercise that doesn’t involve movement, sweating, effort and lycra – we need to get fit, but lets not make it hurt!
- For every 3lbs of weight lost, at least one of those pounds comes off the wine belly. Anything else is just unfair.
Nothing to do with drinking, but if I do rule the world, I will also put stair lifts in Venice. It’s got to be done.