Post content

Aidan’s letter to Aidan

Letter with pen

Club Soda member Aidan wrote this letter to himself after he quit boozing to remind himself of why he had made that decision.


Dear Aidan

You know why you are reading this, and I know why you are reading this. I wrote this especially for you, because I love you deeply and I want to remind you of how you made me feel, resulting in you and I making the decision to stop drinking alcohol for good.

Through your decision to drink at Christmas, you slowly led me into an incessant string of binges. You promised me that this time it would all be ok, but you slowly drank more and more. Once a year soon became occasions. Occasions soon became once a week. Once a week soon became twice a week. Twice a week very soon became three times and then four times a week.

Addiction to alcohol

Through your so called fun, you weakened my self esteem and self worth to the point where all I wanted to do was kill myself. All I could think about was ending my life. I was in hell. All of the great things I wanted for our life were in a cloud because of your choice to drink. I could no longer see the great future and our potential. All I could feel was a sense of falling, because your addiction to alcohol completely blinded me. I liken it to an airplane descending through thick clouds. I could feel it, but was completely blind to perspective because of your decision to drink.

Piece by piece, drink by drink you chipped away at me until the only solution was death. All I could do was look at websites telling me the most pain free ways to end my life. It took guts but I had to stand up to you and take over, because you were literally killing me. Killing my insides, killing my soul, killing my mind with your hedonistic, out of control decisions and ultimately disabling me from being able to love.

Quit drinking

Three days after I stood up to you I began to feel like I could breath again. That natural happiness I once felt began to seep into the cloud, and the thick cloud slowly became a fog. By the weekend the fog that had turned to a mist was completely clear and I felt alive again.

During that week we received an email from our landlady informing me of all of the things you did whilst intoxicated. All of the decisions you made that I was totally oblivious to, because remember – you put me in that fucking cloud. I was absolutely ashamed, not to mention helpless, and so all I could do was apologize, and stand up for you in the areas I felt were justified; but they were far and few.

Do not drink!

YOU did this to me by your choice to drink. So if you are being a selfish bastard to me and all those I love by toying with the idea of drinking again, I hope by reading this letter I have written to you from the past will give you the wake up call you need. No matter what your head is telling you right now, you are a sick man when it comes to alcohol and you cannot have a single drink. If you do, you will kill me, and you will kill those I love.

DO NOT TAKE THAT DRINK UNDER ANY CIRCUMSTANCES:

Be it through joy, grief, celebration, anger, relief, good news, victory, loss or simply indifference

love

Aidan


Some Club Soda members previously gave advice to their younger selves.

laurawilloughby

Article By

I am Laura the Co-Founder at Club Soda. I gave up drinking in 2012 and hope that I can support you to take a self-guided journey to change your drinking whatever your goal.

Leave a Reply

This site uses Akismet to reduce spam. Learn how your comment data is processed.